Marriage and Stuff

Last week, my wife and I had the opportunity to take some time away to enjoy each other’s company. Every once in a while, we’ll leave the kids behind to visit either a place we’re familiar with or a place we’ve always wanted to go. This year, we chose to do the latter and decided to explore The Blue Mountains.

The Blue Mountains Chalet
The Blue Mountains Chalet

Located a couple of hours north of Toronto, The Blue Mountains is a resort/cottage community that hosts a large following during ski season. Along with a few friends, we managed to secure one of those fancy chalets overlooking the mountains. The view was great, but, having grown up in Italy where I would wake up to the sight of the Italian Alps every morning, it didn’t impress me as much as, say, it did with some of my friends. I can take or leave mountain views. Nonetheless, it didn’t diminish the enjoyment I had with my wife.

The vacation was a wonderful cap to my newest book release. I had been running around many weeks prior that I hadn’t realized just how much I needed the downtime to regain focus.

Rather than give you a summary of what happened every day, as I’ve done in the past with my other vacation posts, I thought I would give you the highlights of what I enjoyed most about the getaway instead, and about the lessons learned.

First off, because we were sharing the chalet with friends, we each had separate rooms and shared common areas. Kitchen, living room, hot tub and balcony were all common areas. Some couples also shared bathrooms. As troublesome as it could have been, it worked out quite well. No more than two families had to share a bathroom, so mornings were fun.

The Blue Mountains
The Blue Mountains

Other than breakfast, the organizer cooked everything. Kudos to her! The food was simply delicious. The meal I liked the most was also the meal served the last night we were there. It was roasted chicken with rice and veggies. I’m not sure how she made it, but the flavor led me to go for seconds without a problem.

My wife and I spent most of our time together with the exception of breakfast, lunch and dinner, which we spent with our friends. Our main entertainment was each other, and because of this, I’ve learned something interesting. I knew about this little truth but didn’t know until recently how to put it into words.

Before getting married, we did everything together because we enjoyed each another’s company. What that means is we did what we could to spend as much time with each other, not because we had to, but because we wanted to. It wasn’t duty. It was because we really enjoyed being together.

After getting married however, somewhere along the way things changed. Jobs, kids, finances, new homes, deaths, health issues–you name it, resulted in the creation of a quiet mission statement that stated we were bound to please the other person. Not to sound preachy, but the idea that we wouldn’t be happy unless the other person was happy crept into our lives. It’s not a bad thing to want to please our mates. It is, though, a bad thing doing it out of duty.

With that realization, this past year our marriage has gone through a transformation of sorts. We’re no longer doing things to please each other, but we’re doing things because we enjoy doing them together. For us, it has become a matter of perspective. The idea being, we now share acts of kindness with each other, not because we have to but because we want to. All of a sudden, the enjoyment we once felt before marriage has returned and we can’t get enough of each other.

Okay, so maybe that was an overshare.

But I don’t care. If it helps others find what they once had, then I’ll shout it from space!

Anyway, that was our weekend. What are your plans this weekend?

Get the Ranger Martin zombie trilogy now!

What do you like about traveling?

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15 thoughts on “Marriage and Stuff

  1. It seems that in my community, we seem to be surrounded by cheating spouses and failed marriages. It is refreshing to hear of the two of you experiencing this epiphany together, to your betterment. Ahhhhh,
    This weekend, my wife of 12 years, and I are taking our soon to be adopted young lady on her (first in a long time) trick or treating in our neighbourhood. My wife found a great rummage sale dress, is doing her nails tonight (she’s dressing up as a glitterati vampire a’ la Twilight) and, as a new family, we are going to do something I have never done before. No friends over, no decorating the place for all the halloweeners. Just the 3 of us. Life is good folks !!

  2. Totally awesome my friend. My parents say all of the time that marriage is work every day in keeping in new and solid. After 27 years, they must be doing something right – just like ya’ll! XOXO – Bacon

  3. My parents were best friends for 58 years. It is wonderful to witness. As for Blue Mountain being tame when compared with the Alps: I agree but think of them as Alps in training. In a few million years you won’t recognize them!

  4. I’ve heard it said that your partner should be your best friend. Don’t know if that’s true or not, but it sounds like useful advice.

    This weekend is the Rugby World Cup final, so activity will revolve around that. Up the All Blacks!

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