Zombie Apocalypse: Fight

After having watched The Book of Eli for the umpteenth time over the weekend, I’ve concluded if we want to survive the zombie apocalypse, we’ll have to change our approach in how we should defend ourselves. As part of my Monday Mayhem series, I’m going to examine various strategies against zombies, specifically, those that will get us killed and those that may very well save our lives.

Tank
Tank

Guns and the undead seem to go well together. A zombie shows up at the door and our first instinct, if we’re armed, is to shoot it in the head. This is a good tactic with one belly muncher after you. But what if a dozen or more of these vile rat bags surround the house? Then what? Unless we’re expert sharpshooters guaranteeing every shot lands a bullet in the dragger’s head, we’ll eventually run out of ammo. I’d say the situation calls for another tactic in our fight against the plague of humanity.

Yes, but some say, we can always use vehicles against the horde. What we don’t kill with guns, we can squash with trucks, tanks and jeeps. True. However, how far would we get? Knowing trucks, tanks and jeeps need fuel, we’ll have a limited supply to fend off those gut churners. That’s taking into consideration gas pumps will become obsolete given the lack of electricity. After all, those electrical workers will have changed to become part of the eaters, leaving the grid unattended, thereby promoting power outages.

Now, I’ll give credit to where credit is due: We can build a massive wall to keep the crowd at bay. It’s a great idea on paper. Build the walls high enough that nothing can climb over it. Genius, really. The question then surfaces, how will we feed the people? Will we have farms to provide for the masses? Will we have walls high enough to protect the crops also? If so, how will we defend them? What if a breach occurs, what will be our DRP (Disaster Recovery Plan)? We’re talking about having had the knowledge the zombie apocalypse was coming and having had the foresight to build the walls. That’s what I call a pretty good guess. Yet, it still doesn’t answer any of my questions. Allow me to make my concern even plainer, so you know I haven’t gone crazy—how long before anyone begins to starve behind those walls?

Well then, how about the world’s oceans? No way would those brain feeders have a chance against us if we plant massive bases in the middle of the ocean. Again, let’s think about this for a second. Depending on the amount of people residing on those bases, how do we feed them all? Right. We have yet to come up with a solution to the food dilemma.

Here’s an idea, we could use nuclear weapons against them, haul them into a stadium and blow them to where there’s no tomorrow. Of course I’m being sarcastic.

Braveheart
Braveheart

No, I think the answer to all our questions lies in ancient history. If history has taught us anything, it’s that armies with a strategy, no matter how small, will win against much larger foes.

Perhaps it’s time to bring back the blacksmiths and reintroduce swords in the hands of the agile. Forget about guns, they’re paperweights. Train the soldiers to become proficient in close quarter combat. Lead the battles out of the cities. Strip the forests for spears and use them against the oncoming threat in the open field. Raise up a cavalry decked in armor and plow the multitude until their blood runs as rivers soaking the land. Let the motto “No guts, No glory” dance on the lips of every soldier leading a charge.

As for the food? Build farms with wide fences surrounding the spoil. Position sentries high in the clouds with archers standing at the ready. Create an infantry of knights to defend the crops. Allow none of the maggot chewers to pass.

Then you will see, in the end, we will win.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, now on sale.

Will fighting zombies with swords and spears lead to victory?

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24 thoughts on “Zombie Apocalypse: Fight

  1. Hi Jack
    I’ve finally been able to comment on this post. I personally thing the hardest issue we’d have to overcome are the sheer numbers. If what we’ve seen is even likely to be vaguely true, then zombies don’t just fade away . They remain a pest for years. Ammo is not a option ultimately unless you know how to make black powder or cordite, can shape a bullet and ultimately make new brass cartridges – which I think will run out first. After all, can you pick up ALL of your casings ALL of the time? I think not.
    I have given this some significant thought. There is an answer, at least in theory. If you read The Common Cold: A Zombie Chronicle – Cabin Fever – really sorry for the plug Jack – I describe a way of exterminating even those pesky critters that are hiding from you. It’s the Long Range Acoustic Device and is used to transmit sound at crowds for announcements and nuisance factor of dispersing crowds. I have presumed that if you turn it up to max the result would be devastating and kill en-masse. The one downside is it’s indiscriminate -and would kill good with bad.
    What is interesting is that Kate Bush already had this idea in her song “Experiment IV” – perhaps she inspired this idea in me, who knows? 🙂

    David

  2. Great take on this topic.
    I always think I can defend myself if a situation like this was ever to occur, but with my luck I will be running like one of those irritating screaming girls in the horror films, lol

  3. I’ve long been a fan of using old-school techniques (and weapons) for fighting zombies, and it’s good to see that you used an illustration of the Scottish defensive formation known as the hedgehog (or the porcupine), albeit with an Australian playing the lead.

    One of the things I found out about when speaking to a certain Mr Brooks was how much of WWZ was based on a deep knowledge of military history – and what has worked in the past and what doesn’t (we had a fun discussion about the use of defensive walls in Roman Britain – I still think walls could have a role to play in zombie defences, but only temporarily).

    Anyway, nice post.

    All the best,

    Colin

    • You met Max Brooks? You are my hero, Colin! When did you meet him? Where? What was he like talking to him? And what does he think of George A. Romero’s work?

      You can tell I’m a fan, huh?

      • It was when I was working on the set of WWZ. There was a sudden rain storm and a group of us extras got shoved uncerimoniously under an awning to stop us getting wet and ruining continuity. It happened that Max was taking shelter under the same awning and we ended up having a 20 minute conversation about historical military strategies he’d used in the book, and particular about the Roman wall which used to run through the middle of Glasgow.

        He came across as a REALLY nice guy and seemed more than happy to talk to us. Didn’t ask him about Romero’s work, though, so I can’t help you there.

        Anyway, at the rate you’re book has been selling, it looks like there will soon be people going: You met Jack Flacco? Wow! What was he like? Did you ask him what h thought of Romero’s work?

  4. You are one tough mind now aren’t you? Zombies, War, Flacco….. Wow! That’s fifty times worse than the 6 O’clock news….Woooooo! You are proof there are minds out there like yours! Well there’s “a” mind out there like you….. Now that’s entertainment!
    claudy

  5. building a wall would be out unless, like you say, we have fore knowledge of the coming apocalypse. If it was possible then it would have to be a good solid one, none of this wire mesh rubbish, build it solid and build it high with enough room for patrols to walk the top of it.
    I think the one weapon never thought of is fire, what is wrong with a good flame thrower? I agree about forgetting the guns and going to swords and archery. or a good machete.

  6. We have so many weapons that would make a zombie apocalypse a mute point its best to avoid the thought when making a zombie story. I think we probably could have handles like you said with swords and spears 😀

  7. Another issue with the vehicles is that you’re still hitting things with it. That would cause some wear and tear if not a broken windshield. Not to mention getting a zombie caught in the wheels or engine.

    I agree that medieval weaponry would help and I’m glad you mentioned the archers because I was about to say close and long range were needed. I would still use guns, but make them available only for those who prove to have high levels of proficiency. At least until ammo runs out.

    What about homemade explosives that can be used as an in-between range tactic?

    • You still need materials to build the packs. I’m condoning an open field battle of sorts. I suppose during the first volley, explosives would work–perhaps set up landmines throughout the field and wait until they traverse the thresholds to destroy the front line eaters. Again, material is the key. If someone knows how to put it all together, then they’d be the geniuses of the war!

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