Spring Cleaning

The other day I took to my closet, put on a pair of old, tattered jeans, a t-shirt, and hit my home office. I’ve been planning to paint it for a couple of years now. Only recently did I decide the time was right to do something about it.

Clean Your Room
Clean Your Room

For this Freedom Friday post, I’d like to take you on a spring cleaning adventure. Believe me when I say it’s not as adventurous as I’m making it out to be.

Over the past couple of years, my home office had gone into disrepair. I had boxes of utter junk I had kept around for those “just in case” moments when I needed that half-bent, used straw I had saved from that frosty I had months ago. Bags and bags of paperwork I hadn’t tackled for a long time rested dormant waiting for my sorting hands. I’m still not done yet. The shredder’s going to have a lot work to do soon.

The biggest problem was all the computer parts I had accumulated. I’m talking about desktop boxes, monitors, network cards, hard drives, sound cards, motherboards, memory chips, graphics cards, printer cables, network cables, fans, desktop speakers, subwoofers, mice, keyboards, mice pads, and on and on. I can’t believe how much money I burned through the years on old desktop computers that today I can easily replace with a laptop, a tablet or phone. Sad, really.

All these parts belonged to computers I had set up throughout the house when the iPad was a glint in Steve Jobs’ eye. As they became obsolete, I’d retire them into my home office to one day sell them for parts. Well, we all know how that turned out. You may ask, how many were there, Jack? Seven desktop computers with monitors. Yeah, crazy, eh? There was a time that each room had a computer. Maintenance choked every ounce of goodness from me.

Computer Junk Heap
Computer Junk Heap

Anyway, I took them all apart. I reformatted the hard drives, and poured water and sugar in its assembly chambers. I then took my trusty screwdriver and poked holes through the platters. It’ll take the expertise of the FBI to piece them all together. Even then, no way could anyone rescue any of the data on those suckers. Too late, though. They’re already at the dump.

Now, if you didn’t know better, I could be working for the CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service). Then again, I wouldn’t admit it, would I? Nor would I post that information on a blog. A mischievous smile penetrates Jack’s face.

Nevertheless, I pulled together all that old equipment and hauled it to the curb. And this is the truth: at the very moment I had placed the last computer on the curb, a black van of no distinct marking pulled into the drive, swung open its back doors and two men slipped the equipment into its belly. It was quick. Not even thirty seconds they were gone. I thought, guys, the hard drives are not with the boxes. I guess they’ll find out once they take them apart in their secret lab.

I now have a clean room. At least the bulk of the mess is under control. I still have a long way to go. I think in the next few days I’ll get rid of the old posters of The Godfather: Part III and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. They’ve been on the walls forever.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, on sale October 22.

Have you done any spring cleaning? What items have you gotten rid of that served its purpose in the day?

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17 thoughts on “Spring Cleaning

  1. Wow, and I thought I had a lot of computer junk in my house. I think we’re due a spring clean as well. Though I’m actually waiting for spring to turn up in England first!

  2. Hi Jack, seriously… all of those old computers? Wow. Well we recently moved and moving is the perfect time to purge so we have done so, and then some. What I wanted to add is that I found it very helpful to have a friend come over and tell me “you will never wear that again” and the like. Freeing yourself of so much “stuff” is really a great feeling. Thank you for sharing. As always, I enjoyed your post. I think of your expert avocado recipe whenever we serve them!

  3. I don’t know which is more frightening, that men in a black van seemed to be waiting for you to put your outdated technology on the curb, or that you seem to be a pro and disabling and dismantling computers. Who ARE you?!

    Spring cleaning is great. I love going through the house and collecting things to get rid of. It’s kind of a passion of mine. It seems like “stuff” multiplies exponentially throughout the years and before you know it your spare room become the don’t-open-that-door room.

    Tuck those movie posters away somewhere. They’ll be vintage soon.

    • Who am I? I’m Batman 😉 Actually, I’m the acronym of Who Are You. I’m WAY. When you hear folks asking, “Are you really going to do that?” If you hear the answer, “Way!” Then you know I had something to do with it! 😀

      I have one of those don’t-open-that-door room. It’s more like a keep-away-from-under-those-stairs-if-you-don’t-want-to-die closet. I know stuff is in there, but I dare not place my life in peril venturing too close. Perhaps one day I’ll draw that sought-after map I’ve been wanting to get to. For now, I have to rely on my memory to skirt around anything that may impale my bosom to the wall!

      I’m a tucking 🙂

  4. The Godfather: Part III??? tell me you didn’t actually pay for that poster or it’s just a joke. (that movie was an insult to the first two!!!)

  5. I am amazed at your ability to get rid of all of those computers in one go. Maybe the black van guys are into refurbishing things for neat aquariums? You also just reminded me that I have 2 mailing tubes filled with old movie posters in one of my closets. I’m not sure why I kept them this long.

  6. You could make a giant zombie robot with all that! I’ll stick to cleaning the windows though they always look worse after. Matthew has a christmas craft picture up in his room that’s been there three years. Part of the furniture now 😉

    • Believe me when I say I wanted to. But then I would have to think, where does the biological aspect of a zombie come in to play? Perhaps I could have hooked up the equipment to nanotechnology in order for it to breed living organisms that would piece together the equipment in a less than coherent manner. Hmm, now I’m regretting ever getting rid of the stuff!

  7. Spring cleaning usually involves a lot of clothes sorting for me. I did that a few weeks ago, then the weather plummeted back to cooler temperatures leaving me to freeze.. haha! Every year its the same thing…
    I do have to start getting intot he spring cleaning in the entirety of my room and the window washing around the house. Definitely a reminder..now if only the sun would come up and we have a bit warmer temperatures…then we’re all set 😉
    Awesome post Jack!

  8. I must protest; removing The Godfather: Part III and Terminator 2: Judgment Day posters of the walls is extremely dangerous thing to do, you said it yourself, they were on the walls forever, so they should stay. It’s the way Universe works :-). Removing them now, while Ranger Martin is about to hit the shelves can lead to unpredictable consequences. As for your computers I think this won’t unbalance The Force, so you are safe.

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