Jokes

I have a weird sense of humor. Dark? Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t laugh at other people’s misfortunes or anything. But when I see people with good intentions do silly things and end up making a mess of everything—I can’t help but laugh. Like the little girl who flushed the diaper down the toilet and wondered why all the other toilets in the house flooded.

George Clooney at Toronto International Film Festival
George Clooney at Toronto International Film Festival

Freedom Friday affords me the opportunity to explore why I’d get a kick from those silly folks. I suppose it has to do with my upbringing as the kid of a family of practical jokers. Then again, perhaps it’s my own innate desire for acceptance that precludes me from carrying on a serious conversation in a meaningful way.

Nah, that’s too deep for anyone to wrap their heads around. Whatever. While I think about it, I thought I’d share with y’all my favorite jokes. Maybe my weird sense of humor will make sense after reading these. Enjoy!

FORGET ABOUT IT

An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”

“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”

“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.”

“My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem—a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”

He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.

She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”

TRUCK DRIVER & THE BIKERS

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?”

“He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”

GOLF BUDDIES

There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill’s wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, “What’s the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now.”

Bill said, “Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole.”

“My goodness, honey!” said the wife, rushing to comfort him. “That must’ve been terrible!”

“It was,” he said. “All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again…”

Do you have any jokes you’d like to share with us?

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Jokes

  1. HAHAHAHAHA, I love jokes, especially the kind that I can tell with kids around! Thanks for checking my blog, looking forward to more jokes!

  2. So a guy is sitting in his livingroom watching television when his program is interrupted by the EBS. There is a flash flood warning and everyone is to take shelter immediately. The man scoffs and thinks “i’ll be fine, i’m a good christian. God will protect me.”
    The flood waters come and rise so high he has to get onto his roof. A rescue boat comes by and they urge him to get aboard.
    “No thank you.” he says, “i’m a good christian, God will protect me.”
    So the boat leaves and the flood waters get even higher. As he’s treading water a helicopter hoovers above him and lowers a rope ladder to him.
    He waves them on, “i’m a good christian, God will protect me!”
    Like in the days of Noah, the floodwaters rise and he drowns.
    When he gets to heaven he has a bone to pick with the Big Guy.
    “What’s the deal, God? i have been a good christian, go to church every sunday, teach sunday school, read the bible every day; yet you let me drown in the floodwaters??”
    God sighed and said, “What d’ya want from me? i sent you a televised warning, a boat and a helicopter?”

  3. Those cracked me the hell up! My family is full of pranksters too, and I always think back on how much we laughed when I was growing up. I really think that’s the key to it all, laugh hard and often. Life really isn’t all that serious all the time. Great post!

  4. That last one really cracked me up – way to make the best out of a situation, Bill. I began collecting jokes as a kid, but can’t remember them now. All I can think about nowadays is ice cream and toast.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s