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Zombie What Ifs V

In Latest News: Jack Flacco presents RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION cover reveal.

Since it’s the long weekend here, I thought you’d all like to have some fun with zombies. Hey, who doesn’t want to have fun with zombies? Can I have a show of hands? I didn’t think so. Today’s Monday Mayhem is all about fun. Can you guess why?

Zombie Hunting License

Zombie Hunting License

That’s right. It’s that time again, folks. It’s time to put your thinking caps on and help me escape the zombies. Are you ready to indulge in some serious undead running? It ain’t gonna be pretty. Not today. How it works: I present a scenario filled with zombies, and your job is to figure out a way to escape. Of course I’ll give you my answer telling you what I’d do, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you would do. That’s up for you to decide. And if you missed them, here are the first four parts: I, II, III, IV.

Are you ready? All right then. Let’s go!

Scenario #1: You are sitting on a raft in the middle of a bay surrounded by land on three sides. Two sides have those undead critters wanting to take a bite out of you. Of the remaining sides, one is a small peninsula and the other heads to sea. You haven’t eaten in three days. Do you take a chance and land on the peninsula? Or do you head for sea, hoping the tide will take you to new land? The catch? Within minutes of landing on the peninsula, the zombies can easily chase you.

My Answer: If I have a gun with me, I’ll take a chance. If not, I’ll be too weak from starvation to think straight. In that case, I’d head for sea.

Zombie Warning Sign

Zombie Warning Sign

Scenario #2: Chewers have been after you all afternoon. They finally thrust you to the top of an apartment building with nowhere to go but down. Luck’s with you, though. You find a plank lying on the ledges between buildings. It looks as if others have been in this situation before you. When you look over the ledge, ten stories to the bottom, you see the remains of those who once attempted to cross the threshold. Seeing this, do you attempt to get to the other side or do you stay and fight, knowing you might not have a chance?

My Answer: I would try walking the plank to the other side. If I fall, it would be a quick death, which would contrast the slow death caught at the hands of the zombies.

Scenario #3: You’re on a Caribbean cruise when you notice everything around you changing. Some of the passengers are chasing the others, making meat of them. You manage to lock yourself in a cabin with nothing but the door and a porthole to escape. You think to yourself that you’ll survive for the couple of days, but eventually you’ll have to find food. The kitchen is on the floor below yours. You’ll have to negotiate your way through the corridors and hope you don’t encounter one of them. That’s one of the choices. The other? You’re ten miles from shore. You can dive and take a chance swimming. The problem is you’ll be diving in shark-infested waters. What do you do?

My Answer: I don’t know about you, but taking a dive into a shark’s mouth doesn’t sound as appealing as fighting zombies on my way to find food. In other words, let me quote the worn cliché: Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.

Scenario #4: I saved the best for last. Trapped in a city bus with four other people, the undead are banging on the door. If you try to climb through any of the windows, the horde will have their way with you. You have no chance of surviving. Then, an evil idea comes to you. It’s such a rotten idea that you try to push it out of your mind. If you throw one of your friends to the zombies, perhaps the distraction will give you an opportunity to escape. It’s a long shot. Would you?

My Answer: This is an easy one for me. It would be an emphatic no. Then again, if those four other people get the same notion of me, I wouldn’t know what to do.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What would you do?

29 Comments

My Snacks

I love food. I mean, I really love food. By my appearance, you wouldn’t guess it. I stand a lean human whose weight wafts along that of disappearance. Yeah, I’m that thin. But regardless, I really enjoy eating food. That’s why for Freedom Friday I thought I’d give you a rundown of what I love to snack on, not so much to inform you what I think everyone else should be eating, but more to let you know how wonderful an experience it is to find a food worth eating.

My Snacks

My Snacks

Let’s start with the basics. I’m not a processed food kind of guy. I like eating chips now and again, but they don’t provide me with the comfort I crave to keep me going throughout the day. You’ll find, as you peruse the list, my thing is natural snacks. I’ve tried the chips and ice cream route, yet it doesn’t do much for me. If anything, I’m not satisfied.

Which brings me to the snacks I love—walnuts is one of them. There’s nothing quite like eating a handful of nuts to keep the energy going for the day. Nuts, especially, provide me with the protein I need to keep me focused and energized. I also enjoy the incredible taste. Who said you need salted nuts to satisfy a craving?

The energy lift doesn’t last long though, I suppose because I have a fast metabolism.

Next on the list is cheese. I gorge on cheese, particularly mozzarella. If anything is true, cheese makes Jack a happy boy. I’ll have it in chunks. I’ll spread it on a pita with some salsa sauce and away I go. Great snack. Really. I also love feta. I’ll talk about feta later, but it has such a well-rounded flavor, it’s hard to resists its draw.

Cucumbers are so high on my list of snacks that I’m surprised I haven’t placed it at the top of this post. Whenever I get the munchies, cucumbers deliver on the goods. They’re great on their own or simply with a little salt. Typically, I’ll wash the cucumber, cut it in half and eat it plain. Simple, right? If I’m really feeling adventurous, I’ll dice it, add salt, pepper, lemon, oregano, and feta cheese, sit on the couch and stuff my face while watching reruns of Love It or List It.

Next on my list are avocados. I have my wife to thank for introducing this fruit to our family a few years ago. Easiest way to eat this is to cut it lengthwise, add some lemon and salt and off you go. Great, great snack. Not only does it provide a good source of monounsaturated fat that reduces blood pressure, but also contains carotenoids, which protects against eye disease. I eat it because it’s a great snack.

I eat other snacks, but let’s limit the list to what I have here. Suffice it to say, my fridge and pantry are always full of snacks I like.

I know that real chocolate comes to mind, but we’ll not go there.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What are your favorite snacks?

15 Comments

The Women of Oz

There is a mystery in the Land of Oz. A wicked witch is wreaking havoc among the people. No one knows who she is, yet if she had her way Oz would become nothing more than a barren wasteland.

Oz the Great and Powerful

Oz the Great and Powerful

Starring James Franco as Oscar Diggs (a.k.a. Oz) and presented by Sam Raimi, director of the original Spider-Man trilogy, the film Oz the Great and Powerful features four Women Who Wow Wednesday characters worth writing about.

Despite lukewarm reviews, this movie is a visual treat. Every frame is gorgeous. Every scene detailed to perfection. Color? Outstanding. But don’t let the eye candy fool you. Woven in its story is an intricate plot between its principles and their ambitions to fulfill their destiny.

Let’s have a look at the women of Oz and the special characteristics that make them unique.

Theodora—Dressed in red, Theodora befriends Oscar believing he is the great and powerful wizard. As a woman preoccupied with her appearance, she delights in the fact she is so beautiful. Somewhat naïve at times, a small scene hints of her untapped potential to harness her unbridled power. Her greatest desire, though, is to bring peace to the Land of Oz.

Evanora—As Theodora’s older sister, Evanora is Emerald City’s protector. When meeting Oscar for the first time, she has her doubts of his authenticity. Her motivation is nothing short of acting as Oz’s guardian, the keeper of the land’s treasure, barring those with intentions to siphon it off for their own selfish desires.

Glinda—Having the power of discernment, Glinda is able to see through Oscar’s craftiness and determine his true nature. She knows he has a good heart. Her calm demeanor suggests of her kindness that radiates in her being. More than anything, she wants justice for all and truth to reign above everything else.

China Girl

China Girl

China Girl—Although made completely out of porcelain, China Girl is a spirited character with more guts than fear. The threat of breaking into pieces does not scare her when confronted with an enemy greater than herself. Her courage carries her through to overcome all obstacles standing in her way. She remains as one of the greatest inspirations in the film, convincing others that if they believe, all things are possible.

No one can deny the women of Oz are of a determined lot. They each have their moment. They each have specific goals tailored for their part. Whether for good or evil, their power comes from a strong resolve to accomplish much.

However, one thing is clear. No matter how much power someone possesses, if the heart is corrupt, so will that power be. For the same reason, everything around that power will dissolve to nothingness, if no one steps in to quell the desire for omnipotence.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Have you seen Oz the Great and Powerful? What did you think of the female characters?

21 Comments

Why I Like Aliens

Last week for Monday Mayhem, I wrote Why I Like Zombies. I detailed how I enjoy watching a movie or reading a book where the undead are unrelenting with capturing their prey. I also drew a connection between those dastardly demons and their representation of humanity’s search for everlasting life. Lastly, I wrote about how they are metaphoric depictions of a writer’s overactive imagination—specifically, my overactive imagination.

Spider-Man 3/Venom

Spider-Man 3/Venom

This week, I want to talk about the reasons I like aliens.

Unlike zombies, who have a distinct set of rules dictating behavior, biological makeup and life expectancy, aliens have none of that. In fact, alien folklore is so open-ended that anyone can make up anything about these characters and still call them aliens. I like that aspect of the extraterrestrials. Spider-Man 3 had an interesting take on aliens. If you haven’t seen it, it had to do with an organism that has the ability to amplify the negative traits in a person, thereby rendering them evil. It’s quite a fascinating twist of the ordinary alien subplot you see in many other films because in this case, the alien does not have a fixed appearance.

Mars Attacks!

Mars Attacks!

On the other hand, I also like aliens because of the exact opposite of what I just wrote. In some circles, aliens have a concrete mythology based on the crash landing of an alleged spacecraft in 1947 Roswell, New Mexico. The UFO supposedly contained aliens the U.S. government, to this day, conspired to suppress detailed information. This incident sparked multiple theories of the government’s involvement with other planetary life forms. These theories created the legends of little green men from mars all the way to Area 51’s complicity to housing alien ships for technological studies.

I like the fact that some of my favorite movies have aliens in them as well. Movies like Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T., Men in Black, and Paul feature them in prominent roles as visitors from another planet. What’s not to like of cuddly creatures aiming to take over earth?

Much like zombies, aliens also have an allegorical value to them. In the 1950’s, society’s biggest enemy was communism. Naturally, what did Hollywood do? Of course, they produced Invasion of the Body Snatchers, a film about people taken over by aliens. The commentary came when America was in the midst of McCarthyism—a time when anti-communist sentiment was at its height. It’s that allegory that attracts me to aliens the most. Aliens can symbolize any hot-topic issue thinly disguised as entertainment. They can come to embody social non-conformity matters, oppressive governments or even control-centric cults. The possibilities are endless.

But you know what? I also like aliens because they make incredible splatter patterns when shot.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Do you like aliens? What do you like them? What other alien legends haven’t I covered?

22 Comments

Writing

As many of you know, and as some have noticed, I don’t talk about writing. There’s a reason for that. I’m sure I’ll get my hands rapped because of this declaration, but I think it’s important to talk about, since this is the rare and possibly only occasion when I will speak freely about this.

Photo credit: Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license

Photo credit: Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license

One of my family members calls me a machine. I’ll take that as a compliment. The other comment I get is I’m a workaholic. Again, I’ll take that as a compliment.

The truth is, before I started this site, I had taken an extended leave of absence from all social networking sites. I know what you’re thinking, “Nothing wrong with taking a couple of weeks off to regain perspective.” In my case, it wasn’t a couple of weeks. It wasn’t even a couple of months. Sit down for this.

I’d taken eight months off from all social networks. That’s eight months off Twitter. Eight months off Facebook. Other than email, eight months off every social network. Months prior, I’d written a three-quarters completed draft of Ranger Martin and the Zombie Apocalypse. Then I stopped. Cold turkey. For eight months, I didn’t write a word. Anywhere.

[This paragraph is intentionally left blank.]

When I came back, I had so many pent-up ideas that I couldn’t stop writing. The format for the site took an afternoon. It was that quick. This includes coming up with the categories Monday Mayhem, Women Who Wow Wednesday and today’s Freedom Friday. I dusted off my old zombie manuscript and completed it. I quickly started Ranger Martin and the Alien Invasion.

Earlier, I said my family considers me a machine. Well, that’s not too far from the truth. I write every day except Saturday, even when I don’t feel like it. I don’t wait for inspiration because, I suppose, it’s now a habit.

If you’re curious, this is how I do it. I sit. I write.

Pretty simple, huh?

There’s a bit more to it than that, but I write whatever comes to mind. I’ll edit after it’s down on paper. And because I’ve established a two-to-three week buffer before publishing anything, I have a lot of time to think and play with ideas. If I don’t like an idea, I chuck it. In a year, I must have thrown away a dozen posts.

But I must say, hadn’t I taken eight months off before creating this site, I’m sure I would’ve convinced myself I needed inspiration to write. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The bottom line? I don’t talk about writing because I’m too busy writing.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What about you writers out there—what is it that compels you to write?

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Gwen Stacy

Everyone knows Mary Jane Watson. She’s Spidey’s girl in the original Spider-Man trilogy of the early 2000’s. She’s also the redhead who set Peter Parker’s heart aflutter. A decade later the web slinger’s at it again, but this time he has Gwen Stacy on his mind. Unlike Mary Jane, who Peter fell for in an emotional whirlwind, Gwen’s intellect far supersedes even that of Spider-Man’s for her to become Peter’s one-and-only.

Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy

Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy

For today’s Women Who Wow Wednesday, let’s have a look at this gorgeous blonde, and her talent for helping Spider-Man, spoiler-free.

In the two The Amazing Spider-Man movies, Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) grabs Peter’s attention from the first time the audience sees them together. The daughter of George Stacy, the city’s police chief, she doesn’t give bullies a choice when she defuses a situation. As opposed to threatening or cajoling, she uses psychology. The crowd disperses and she becomes a quiet hero.

Her strong ability to use her mind and remain focused makes her the perfect girl for Spider-Man. His wild lifestyle, staying up all hours of the night, coming home smelling like something the cat dragged in dictates his need for someone to match his extrovert existence. Gwen’s cool demeanor calms the superhero.

Gwen Stacy

Gwen Stacy

That’s not to say their conversations lean toward boredom. On the contrary, Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield) loses himself around the heart-stopping beauty. They want to communicate, but most of the time, he jams up his tongue so bad against the roof of his mouth that he rattles off nonsense. Gwen understands him, though. In his incoherent babble, she still knows what he’s saying.

During defeats, Gwen comforts him, tends to his wounds, and provides him moral support when everyone else seems to have left him. And why not? What drives her is her outlook. She’s hopeful, always looking to the future. In a speech to the graduating body, she says:

“It’s easy to feel hopeful on a beautiful day like today, but there will be dark days ahead of us too. There will be days where you feel all alone, and that’s when hope is needed most. No matter how buried it gets, or how lost you feel, you must promise me that you will hold on to hope. Keep it alive. We have to be greater than what we suffer. My wish for you is to become hope; people need that. And even if we fail, what better way is there to live? As we look around here today, at all of the people who helped make us who we are, I know it feels like we’re saying goodbye, but we will carry a piece of each other into everything that we do next, to remind us of who we are, and of who we’re meant to be.” ~Gwen Stacy

Like she said, it’s easy to be happy during sunny days. It’s during those dark days that hope tends to flee. Gwen figured that out early in life. If only everyone else could, too.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What do you find compelling about Gwen Stacy? How does she differ from Mary Jane Watson?

14 Comments

Why I Like Zombies

Have I ever told you why I like zombies? I mean, I write my Monday Mayhem posts, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned the reason why I’m drawn to these ill-fated, putrid-smelling, bile-seeping maggot bags the media affectionately calls zombies. I have a number of reasons for liking them, and today, you’re going to find out.

Asbury Park Zombie Walk 2010 (This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.)

Asbury Park Zombie Walk 2010 (This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.)

As many of my regular readers know, I have an affinity for 80’s movies. Because of that love for all things retro, Terminator has always been at the top of my list of sci-fi/action flicks for a cold Friday night. Why? You see, terminators keep coming after you. No matter how many bullets you pump into them, two-by-fours you break over their head, and knives you use to gut them, they still keep coming after you. I like that idea. Zombies are like that, too. If a zombie does not sustain a bullet to the head, it will drag, pull and follow its way to you until you are dead. They don’t know pain. They don’t know exhaustion. They don’t even have a clue they are undead. But one thing’s for sure, they will not give up until they see you screaming in absolute terror, awaiting your fate under their feet.

Apart from my enjoyment of seeing the zombie inclination to persevere, I have fun with the idea that their walk, in a subtle sort of way, embodies the afterlife. Who doesn’t want to know what happens to them when they die? For years, vampires have shown themselves as Horror’s answer to everlasting life. In all truth, though, all things have to end. Enter the zombie. Not much different from vampires, the zombie life depends entirely on the consumption of human victims. The difference being, zombies hunt as part of hordes. Humanity’s fascination with the afterlife has created these creatures as a way to understand what it means to die. What will happen to us? What is the purpose of this life? Why are we here? I don’t know about you, but if I die, I’d rather not imagine a life befitting a zombie. Sounds like a messy affair to me.

The biggest reason I love zombies, and this is purely from a writer’s perspective, is that they can represent anything a writer wants to convey by way of metaphor. In other words, if I want to talk about how oppressive a society is of its people, I can simply write the zombies as a depiction of that society and of its willingness to destroy its victims, eating them to the bone. Same goes for cults that have a way of controlling their brethren. You know the kind, where the members can’t do anything without church consent or recommendation. The zombies in that story become despicable demons bent on absolute destruction of its family members.

The possibility of using metaphors is endless.

So much of what goes on in the media becomes fodder for zombie stories. I can’t dispute the fact that the undead have a way of bringing people together. One day, I’m sure I’ll find out what it all means. Until that day, I’ll keep enjoying movies featuring zombies in thrilling chases, stories about the undead living forever, and of life’s little metaphors.

Now do you see why I like zombies?

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

Why do you like zombies?

33 Comments

Robin Williams

The passing of Robin Williams has had a dramatic effect on my life. I grew up knowing his comedy, his poignant drama and his manic interviews. I’d even recorded a Jay Leno appearance about a decade ago anticipating he would totally rock during his segment. I’m thankful I still have that interview as my own memory of the man who brought so much laugher in my life.

Robin Williams comedy album Weapons of Self Destruction promo shot

Robin Williams comedy album Weapons of Self Destruction promo shot

I postponed today’s scheduled Freedom Friday post until next week because I wanted to capture my feelings about an artist who will forever remain in my heart.

The first time I saw Robin Williams was when he starred in a bit part on Happy Days back in the 70’s. Gosh, it seems so long ago. You probably know the story, since many of the news organizations have already reported his life in the media. To me, though, the first time I saw him on the show, playing a visiting alien from Ork, I never had forgotten how much I’d laughed. How can I push his antics from my memory? It’s an impossible task. Henry Winkler who played The Fonz once said Williams could take a line, a word, whatever, process and spit it out different every time. And in each instance, the line, word, whatever was funnier than the last. He attributed Williams’ talent to greatness.

Robin Williams featured in The Wrap

Robin Williams featured in The Wrap

He eventually got his own show with actress Pam Dawber as the latter half of Mork and Mindy. Two things I remember of that era. First, I had such a massive crush on Pam Dawber. Seriously. Massive. I won’t go into the details. Second, the day after every episode, the kids in the schoolyard would greet each other with “nanoo nanoo”. That was how aliens from Ork said hello. I know, strange. But it’s true. We did that.

Into high school, I loved seeing him in movies such as The World According to Garp and The Survivors. Williams’ impression of a Russian immigrant in Moscow on the Hudson blew me away. If I didn’t know better, he had spent the better part of his life in Russia. What I remember about those three movies was not so much the plots, but his portrayal of the characters. They were all different, with their own quirks and temperaments. He certainly had a way with delivering his lines. I’ll miss that the most.

Robin Williams at River Rock Show Theatre

Robin Williams at River Rock Show Theatre

You know, I can sit here writing about all his other movies like Dead Poets Society, Cadillac Man and Awakenings. But that would sound like I’m prattling on without substance. The joy I received from Williams’ roles was his ability to touch me in a way no other actor/performer has. I will fondly remember his sentimental roles the most, such as Patch Adams where he played a doctor who treats his patients with humor.

As I memorialize my thoughts of him, I can’t help to think of his gracious heart.

Mr. Williams, I will always miss you.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What do you remember of Robin Williams’ work? When did you find out about his passing?

38 Comments

Lois Lane

I don’t know what’s more thrilling, watching a movie with such great actors in it or watching a movie and instantly recognizing the music. The 1978 version of Superman’s like that. Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, John Williams all make this wonderful story come to life.

Margot Kidder as Lois Lane

Margot Kidder as Lois Lane

Women Who Wow Wednesday wouldn’t be complete without Lois Lane. She’s Superman’s confidant. His girl. His friend. She does get into trouble a lot, but that’s only because her curiosity and her desire to get to a story encourages her willingness to take risks. She’s a firecracker, and Superman’s the one who has come into her life to settle it.

John Williams’ opening theme reigns majestic and heralding. It announces of Superman’s arrival, his illustrious fall to planet Earth and his subsequent conquest of evil. It’s so recognizable a theme that, other than the latest Superman movie, all other films featuring the Man of Steel includes Williams’ music in some form or fashion.

Then there’s Superman himself. Who doesn’t remember the line, “Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?” His ability to overcome the laws of physics makes him invincible.

But Superman does have a weakness. Kryptonite. That weakness drains him of his power, which then causes him to become more fragile than an ordinary mortal. Knowing this, it begs the question: would Superman purposefully sacrifice his extraordinary power in order to become more human?

Christopher Reeve as Clark  Kent/Superman

Christopher Reeve as Clark Kent/Superman

For the love of a woman, Superman does just that. That love interest is Lois Lane. What makes Lois Lane so incredible that she would cause even Superman to cast aside his godlike powers to be with her? She must be pretty special.

Much of who Lois is centers as a reporter for the Daily Planet. Her tough-as-nails reporting style captures the attention of Editor-in-Chief Perry White who sends her to scout the most dangerous of stories. Strong-willed, independent, Lois has an appetite for peril. Nothing scares her. She has an uncanny ability to remain focused in spite of everything that may go on around her. What’s more? She’s unbelievably attractive.

As Clark Kent, Superman appears to Lois as a bumbling yet kind-hearted reporter. What Clark lacks in bravery, Lois compliments in attitude. At the same time, Clark’s ability to mask his identity has Lois always guessing who Superman could be. Though it doesn’t stop her from suspecting Clark and Superman are one in the same. Her reporter instincts have yet to betray her in that respect.

No matter how powerful Superman is, he will always meet his match with Lois Lane. She’s motivated, headstrong and sometimes stubborn, but no one can deny her the status as Superman’s girl. After all, he once surrendered all his power for her.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What do you think makes Lois Lane timeless? How many times have you watched a Superman movie?

28 Comments

Alien Invasion: Survival Plan

Many alien invasion movies have the extraterrestrials coming to earth, raping the land of its resources, then leaving. Sometimes, we are the resource, which soon triggers a cat-and-mouse game humans would rather forget. Need I mention War of the Worlds and what the aliens did to our planet in that movie?

War of the Worlds

War of the Worlds

For this week’s Monday Mayhem post, let’s have a look at survival techniques when facing off against aliens. Let’s also concentrate a few moments on what we can do to thwart a possible invasion from our planetary neighbors.

Before I go on, let’s get something out of the way first. I’ve always been reluctant to use the term “we” in any of my posts. In fact, I try to avoid using it as much as possible. Some folks say it denotes inclusivity in order to place leadership in the midst of the people. In my mind, however, it has always set the speaker above the listener by way of privileged knowledge sharing. It also gives the impression the speaker is in a better position of distributing said knowledge than the listener—therefore, not making them equal in status, but privileged. So, it’s with some reservations I use the term “we” today, not because I feel privileged to lord it over you, but because, just like you, I’m part of the human race and wouldn’t know what else to call us. Besides, there’s no way I’d like for you to become equal to my insanity when I write these posts about zombies and aliens. That would be sick.

Aliens

Aliens

All right, what can we do to survive an alien invasion? Unlike zombies where we can shoot them in the head and it’s all over and done with, aliens require a new set of rules.

For instance, some aliens will hunt us with heat-seeking scanners, much like in the movie Predator. And we all know what happened there. Hadn’t it been for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character thinking of a brilliant plan, like the rest of his team, the creature would have also skinned and hung him from a tree upside down.

Some aliens will bleed acid, making killing them a virtual impossible task. I cite the movie Aliens and how in one scene, blood sprayed all over a soldier while attempting to shoot the ravaging beast. Not a pleasant sight, I might add.

Some aliens will eat us if we’re not careful. For this example, I call upon Men in Black where an alien bug ate Tommy Lee Jones’ character. Lucky for him he had a way out.

So you see, aliens come in different varieties. How on earth—pun fully intended—are we to defend ourselves? How would we be able to survive? Like I said, with zombies it’s pretty easy—one shot to the head and they’re over and done with. What about aliens? How would we do it?

Here’s my survival plan. Bear in mind, this is totally unscientific. I came up with this while shaving. If it’s a bit uneven, then you’ll know why.

Ready? Here it is…

  • Run!

Simple, right? Would you have expected anything less than a concise plan from me? I don’t think so. The point of the matter is if aliens try to invade our world, we’d be dead. In an effort to eradicate them from our planet, I soon wouldn’t doubt a nuclear strategy being in the cards. Running north seems like a good idea, I’d say. Away in the woods where defending ourselves against bears would be easier than from organ-probing monsters.

Then again, maybe it’s all for naught.

Maybe, just maybe—they’ll come in peace.

RANGER MARTIN AND THE ALIEN INVASION, on sale October 21.

What would you recommend as another survival technique?

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